“I See You Seeing Me. Learning to Love What We See in Young People.”

 

POWER POINT TITLE SLIDE SHOULD BE PROJECTED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE TALK.

 

I SEE YOU SEEING ME; I CONSTUCT THE ME I THINK YOU SEE.

 

One recent Friday night, I volunteered as a chaperone for a high school outreach event that Mount Pisgah UMC does once a month to target unchurched youth. I did this for two reasons. First, because my brother-in-law, Jonathan Williams, is the youth minister at Mt. Pisgah and he periodically finds ways to bribe me into these types of things. And second, because I made a personal commitment when I left the local church to work for the conference that I would be intentional about finding ways to stay in touch with “everyday teens” on a regular basis. So, on that Friday night, as I was faithfully wandering around my designated chaperone area making my adult authority presence known, I was continually surrounded by some very sketchy looking teens. Take for example the “Goth” girl who looked as if she had emerged from a pit of darkness. With black being the sole color that this young lady sported, she was complete with eye make-up that stretched halfway across her face, leather boots and metal chains, piercings, and pins all over her clothing and body that connected in various patterns. Then there were the gangster boy types who donned their “bling-bling” with heavy jewelry, backwards caps, and baggy pants that fell halfway down their rears. And most certainly, you could spot girls who were only half dressed and left you wondering what happened to the rest of their apparel, and geeky boys who made you consider whether or not ANY other teen would ever speak to them before the night’s end. After taking it all in, I found that I was constantly reminding myself to look straight into each of these young persons’ eyes and smile. I thought to myself, DON’T STARE, ANGIE, DON’T STARE!!! And if this is difficult for me, someone who is rather consistently exposed to teen cultures, I found myself considering that it must be nearly impossible for others. Or is it?

SHOW POWER POINT. Final slide is the picture of the EYE with the words, “Please Look At Me”. Hit the space bar TWICE on this slide to end the music and Power Point.

 

I SEE YOU SEEING ME; I CONSTRUCT THE ME I THINK YOU SEE.

 

This morning, let us focus together on how the church can better learn to love young people. You see, even though I am already well aware of the fact that young people are increasingly absent in our churches, I have very recently been overcome by new facets of this reality. At a recent conference staff retreat, we discussed that one of the top reasons for the decline in our churches is that there is a lack of youth. In reports based on the current completion of a four year study of Exemplary Congregations in Youth Ministry in which the General Board of Discipleship participated, the number of ways that our congregations are falling short in reaching young people is astonishing. Let’s take into account just one example. Some local church parishioners, when asked to describe their views of teens through a survey, responded by stating that youth are loud, annoying, tell-it-like-it-is, rude/abrasive, mini me’s, emotional, shocking, unreliable, consumer minded, irresponsible, and possess an attitude of “it’s all about me.” This is just a tiny glimpse of the many ways our churches are failing to love our young people. Researchers have documented that the majority of young people in this country today have no experience with church. But if you ask a teen what a Christian is, this is what many of them would tell you – Christians are judgmental, hypocritical, have made up a religion to support oppressive  political and economic systems, and spend their time on Sunday mornings on totally irrelevant activities. In the past 20 years, the attitude of the young people in our culture regarding Christianity has moved from passive participation to disinterest to open apathy and avoidance; and it’s on its way toward contempt. I’m not going to go into why this is – there is plenty of other research out there that considers the cause. Instead, what we need to discuss today is how we as United Methodists respond to this crisis in which we find ourselves. And the good news is that the first step, although broadly avoided currently, is really quite simple.

 

I SEE YOU SEEING ME; I CONSTUCT THE ME I THINK YOU SEE.

 

What did you see when you looked at the teens in the slide show? Did you see God? I mean, TRULY did you see God? I know that you know what the answer SHOULD be, but is that REALLY the answer? I recently completed the Companions in Christ small group Bible study on the Beatitudes and the authors discussed the meaning of “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” in a whole new way for me. They suggest that one application of this beatitude might be that if we are truly pure in heart, then we will strive to see God in all people. It’s not that I hadn’t thought about seeing God in people before as much as it was that I had never thought of the true implications of this. Imagine that – if we made an effort to see as God sees – to see God’s likeness in all people. If we truly did this, it would revolutionize the way we treat one another and would equip us to truly love others the way God calls us to, including young people. And just as 1^st John 4:20 tells us, if we do not love people who we have seen, then we cannot love God who we have not seen.

 

Last year when a team of us from the conference went to the “Healthy Congregations” event in Houston, the area was swarming with teenagers who were there for various sporting, cheering, and band competitions. As a group of us were walking back to our hotel rooms from dinner, we passed by a crowd of teenagers coming the opposite direction. As we crossed, they stopped me and asked me for directions. Afterwards, one of the pastors asked why these young people, who were total strangers, were drawn to me, knowing that they could single me out to approach among the others. I told him that it was because teenagers are like animals. Animals can sense fear; they know when humans are afraid of them and they respond accordingly. Teens are the same way. The entire time this group of young people was approaching us, I was making eye contact with them and smiling. Usually, however, a rowdy crowd of teenagers only encounters questioning glares from adults.

 

I SEE YOU SEEING ME; I CONSTRUCT THE ME I THINK YOU SEE.

I would like to end with this final story. One local congregation in our country that has already tried to respond to the “Exemplary Congregations in Youth Ministry” study has this testimony to share. When they presented the main findings to their Youth Council, the committee decided to create a “Top 10” list of ways that their congregation could help youth to know and see the active presence of God in their lives. The number ONE way was to look youth in the eyes and simply say “Hi” - and not just the youth in the church, ALL youth they encountered – anywhere, anytime. One elderly lady confessed that she had always been slightly afraid and intimidated by the teens on the street in her neighborhood whenever she took her daily stroll. Later, she admitted that the act of simply looking at these youth with a warm expression and saying hello revolutionized her neighborhood walks. Now, not only was she not avoiding these teens, but within two weeks she stated that they were calling out to her by name every time she passed and that they were seeking her out. She quickly became the neighborhood grandma and the teens considered her one of their best friends!

 

I SEE YOU SEEING ME; I CONSTRUCT THE ME I THINK YOU SEE.

 

This quote that I have continued to repeat throughout our time together this morning is from what I consider to be my youth ministry bible – “The Godbearing Life: The Art of Soultending for Youth Ministry.” The quote reflects the psychological philosophy of James Fowler that adolescents will usually only develop to live up to the potential that we see in them. If that potential is limited or negative, adolescents will respond accordingly. To put this in terms of our calling to make disciples of Jesus Christ, if you do not see God in young people, it will, in turn, be difficult for them to find God. The primary theological task of youth ministry is to introduce young people to a particular relationship – a relationship with Jesus Christ. Significant relationships with adults are the most crucial outlet for young people to discover the love of Christ. Studies consistently indicate that a relationship with an adult mentor during adolescence who helps a young person to see potential that they don’t necessarily see themselves, that is, to recognize that they are a beloved child of God, far outweighs all other forms of youth ministry. So you see, youth ministry isn’t the job of your church’s youth director, or youth coordinator, or even the core group of very dedicated youth ministry volunteers. NO, it is YOUR job - each and every one of you. Remember that as a holy sacrament, we respond to the congregational address at a child’s baptism to “commend the child to our love and care, do all in our power to increase the child’s faith, confirm the child’s hope, and perfect the child in love.” I can promise you that one thing I DON’T see around our conference is all adults rising to the occasion and meeting the eyes of every teenager with Christ-like eye contact, an expression of love, and a friendly “hello”. The most powerful way that we can begin to reach young people is to show them that we do indeed see them, that we like what we see – no matter what we see – and that we see great God-given potential. We must strive to love them unconditionally, consistently pointing them to the “ME” that God sees in them.